A 2009 Wish for Smut Writers

[Note: These opinions of mine are strong. Aren’t they always? But it should be said that I think it’s with irony, too, as the majority of sex bloggers I’ve followed on Twitter tend to speak of condoms as necessity, not options. I believe the sex blogging community is indeed having responsible sex more often than not; this posting isn’t about their personal practice, it’s about the image they’re portraying in their writing, which I would like to see more match their reality.]

I know the perception is that condoms aren’t sexy.
I know it fucks with the cadence in real life, stopping the action to fumble for protection, but putting on a condom CAN be hot. It CAN be incorporated into the play.
So why don’t smut writers include donning protection during casual sex scenes they write?
People are using less protection than they were 10 years ago. In fact, reports in the UK are that a staggering half of over-30 singles regularly have unsafe sex.
How fucking dumb are these people? Well, pretty dumb. If you’re having casual sex without a condom, I think you’re a fucking moron. If you’re not in a longterm absolutely safe monogamous relationship and you’re not using condoms, guess what? Yup, moron.
STDs have been caught by an amazing 1 out of 4 current teenage girls. I don’t even want to think about my generation. The stupidity, it seems, is endemic.
Sex bloggers want to carry this “rah-rah, we’re sex-positive!” mantra, yet I notice a conspicuous absence of proactive sexual protection happening in their stories. Unsafe sex, people, is NOT sex positive.
There is a growing apathy about the dangers of AIDS, HIV, and other STDs out there. The Bush administration made sure of that. We’re still at an infancy in science and medicine. We don’t really know the far-reaching implications of things like repeat yeast infections or vaginismus. You have to wonder, though, what medicine might suspect if American health carriers will often reject women for coverage if they’ve had multiple innocuous little yeast infections, since some suggest it leads to higher instances of cancer.
We take too many risks as a society. So many problems today are so easily fixed after the fact and for so cheaply that we fail to take the precautions we would be well-advised to take. Look at the economic recession, for instance. Thinking about consequence isn’t exactly today’s society’s strong suit, now, is it?
Casual sex is a way of life for many, and that’s just fine, we likes the sex. But it needs to be safe. Not only for you and your would-be partner, but for all those who’ll come after the fact. You owe it to society to use a rubber.
Sex bloggers are on the cusp of what I see as being a new kind of sexual revolution. We’re changing, opening, and lightening up, en masse. As a society it seems as if we all suddenly woke up and realized that getting laid’s kinda a fun thing to do, and often no one even loses an eye. Besides, it’s a recession: Sex is cheap! As long as you skip the dinner-and-a-movie thing and stay home with a pirated DVD and a box of Kraft macaroni, you can get your shag on for less than $10 for two. No date in the world can match that financial payoff.
Sex bloggers make sex hotter, make it more ubiquitous and attainable. Bloggeurs de smut come in all shapes, sizes, incomes, styles, and genres, and they represent us. They’re real. But if they/we’re not talking about the supposedly unsexy things like condoms in a way that sensualizes them, then I feel they/we’re shirking some of the responsibility I think they/we need to uphold.
We, in the literate and informed public, want to shame the mainstream media for failing to be thorough in their reporting, for often failing to take the proverbial “greater good” into account when creating stories for our consumption. Yet sex bloggers do the same, crafting stories of convenient appeal without including the not-so-exciting necessary behind-the-scenes preparations leading up to the end results we see so gloriously splayed for all to enjoy. It’s deceptively neat and tidy.
Hollywood has failed to uphold its social responsibilities in showing condom use in motion pictures and television. My hope is that sex bloggers can be better, more socially responsible, and more realistic than Hollywood has proven it can be.
If some 17-year-old happens upon some smutty story and reads that a condom was used, and they think about it before they get to shagging that next or first time, then isn’t that something that we sex bloggers as a community should be pursuing?
Can’t we take the preaching out of condom use and bring it back to being a bit sexy? I know we’ve all had those times when getting the condom on was actually half the fun. Isn’t it time we make that more known?

11 thoughts on “A 2009 Wish for Smut Writers

  1. Panthera Pardus

    See, condom use can absolutely be sexy if it’s done right. đŸ˜‰
    Great post, excellent points. STD education is out there, but I’m finding that it sometimes consists of ‘these are what STDs look like. Don’t get ’em.’. I may have to do another STD PSA post soon…
    Thanks for this.
    Panthera Pardus’s last blog post..Peridise!

    Reply
  2. Sylvanus

    Just to add, when Mina and I role-played with her as a whore, we even had a condom in the scene. She went over and got one and I had to put it on.
    I agree, no LIKES condoms, but they don’t have to be such a disaster, either. And they can fit in to a lot of fun play.
    Sylvanus’s last blog post..Resolutions (Sylvanus)

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  3. Diva

    Another awesome post! Thank you.
    You already know my questioning of what exactly does “sex positive” mean and the use of it in this community. I have the same issues as you with people who hold themselves out as sex positive but then do not practice safe sex.
    I won’t even go into the issue of the ones who mislead their partners into thinking they are the only one that they do not use a condom with. In the end it is up to each individual to know and understand the risks involved when they choose not to use a condom but like you I think it would be a good to see the use of them in more posts.

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  4. Shay

    I recently read a paper that found that people who don’t think they are going to have sex are actually more likely to have unprotected sex (I guess because they aren’t prepared and then are too excited that they are actually getting laid to think about protection). It’s pretty sad, but it could be a globally lower self-esteem (in terms of not thinking you’re gonna get laid) that’s contributing to people not using their brains and not keeping protection around JUST IN CASE!
    Shay’s last blog post..Cockblogging Wednesday 132

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  5. Michelle

    So as a random question from someone who is just starting into sex… is it expected to use a condom for giving a blowjob? I don’t know why I’m asking this on the internet, but as Google brought me to your guide, I was curious.
    Thanks!

    Reply
  6. Xenaclone

    Michelle – yes. You can still get all sorts of nasties from giving a BJ. Even AIDS. No latex = no loving. [http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/qa/qa19.htm].
    Smut & stuff – WORD. Sadly it seems that most of the folk who are pro-life are also anti-condom. I wonder which they think is worse; having an abortion or using condoms. Because one way of bringing the abortion stats down would be to insist on condom use outside a committed, monogamous relationship.

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  7. the sayer

    It is interesting what you have written. I guess sometimes we write with the idea that we know well who the person in our stories. I can see them sometimes when I write who they are , what looks the toss back to me.
    But in random just happening right fucking now sex, ya, I think it is an appropriate inclusion in play.
    I like you, enjoy them, they me feel, if not safe, at least a few things less to worry about.
    I did a story on anonymous sex that centered around the condom, she was told to go and buy one, carry it around with her for the whole week prior to the meeting, feeling it in her pocket, seeing it in her purse, touching it..and smiling about what we to come..
    and then the day of, that condom, was placed on the small of her back as she waited, head down on the bed, between her arms and legs spread sturdily in splendid anticipation.
    Condoms.. are good..
    the sayer’s last blog post..What Is Female Desire?

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  8. Old Scrote

    I am beyond the stage where I need to worry about condoms, thank goodness. But I still relish Zsa Zsa Gabor’s reply when asked what she thought about the condom: “Depends what’s in it for me, darling.”

    Reply
  9. Mollena

    Greetings!
    I recently recounted an affair where the condom issue played a pivotal role in our first interaction…
    http://www.mollena.com/2009/01/origins-part-ii-caught/
    And I agree. When I write about fucking, if I’m writing about someone with whom I am not fluid bonded and a condom is used, I include it. I hew closely to my best recollection of any event i recount, and therefore I consider that to be critical.
    Thank you for bringing up this critical issue!!
    xoxo
    ~Mollena
    Mollena’s last blog post..HNT

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