Nibbles and Bits: Vegetarian? Really? Doh!

I’m sorry. The minute I find out a guy doesn’t like meat, or worse, is a vegetarian, my sex drive just goes out the fucking window. I don’t know what it is.
I know, I’m so backwater hick, right? I apologize to all vegetarians. It’s not you, it’s me.
I need me a man who’s gonna tear into my flesh, or something, but there you have it. And a vegetarian with his carrots and hummous? Yeah. I’ll let the hippie girls hog ‘im. There’s no fucking way my kitchen’s going veggie any time soon. Gardenburger my ass.
Christ, half the point of dirty all-night “clear the surfaces!” sex, sometimes, seems to be the plate of eggs and bacon you know you’re gonna have at the end of it all, isn’t it? God. Vegetarian… If only I’d known before the half-dozen emails.
Fuck. That should be on the list of immediate disclosures, like “I club seals” or “I’ll let weeks pass before I get in the mood to fuck you again, so be prepared to wait” or “remind me to take my meds”.
I mean, “you’ll have to totally change how you eat if you’re ever going to cook for me” is kinda need-to-know, isn’t it?
I’m a FOODIE. There’s a REASON I don’t invite vegetarians in for dinner. You got custom food needs? Dine out or eat at home, but sure as hell don’t show up to my house. You get what I’m fuckin’ cookin’, and you’re gonna like it.
And, hey. I believe that what you cook together in the kitchen tends to take a relationship to a new place. Making excellent meals together and enjoying them together? Wow! I love cookin’ with lovers. Shit, I love cooking with anyone!
But with a vegetarian? Nah, Veggie’s ridin’ the highway to nada, baby. Take the hat, leave the hummous.
It’s not them. It’s me. And I’m all right with that. Man, now I want a juicy burger.

[Speaking of juicy burgers, The New York Times says they’re all the rage in Paris now. And on my patio. Barbecue at Steff’s! BYoB!]

12 thoughts on “Nibbles and Bits: Vegetarian? Really? Doh!

  1. a

    thank you, thank you, thank you.

    veg-heads are the bane of every foodies existence. the way they treat food!!!!!!!! blech.

  2. jen.

    “The minute I find out a guy doesn’t like meat, or worse, is a vegetarian, my sex drive just goes out the fucking window.”

    ha ha ha! I couldn’t agree more! I was starting to think maybe I was the last woman who still loved meat eaters..glad to know I’m not.

  3. myself


    I swear to you I have a list of characteristics in men I avoid, vegetarians is definitely one of them.

    No. Not giving up meat for anyone. Gonna cook it whether you like it or not.

    Tough. NEXT!

  4. divineheather

    I had a vegetarian refuse to cook me a steak, but then complained when I wouldn’t let him spank me with a leather paddle. I can’t imagine having a long-term relationship with a man who doesn’t eat meat. Having two sets of meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? What happens after two glasses of wine and I need some hardcore Taco Bell? Eh, I could work around it. Probably.


  5. nerdgirlsspace

    OMG you are so funny! I am always happy when I’ve stopped in at your blog… always something entertaining happening around here!

  6. Scribe Called Steff

    A — Don’t even get me started about the “Raw food” people. OMfG.

    Jen — Yeah, I guess it’s all about the cro magnon carnivore in my house. πŸ™‚

    Myself — Yes. I never really considered vegetarianism a no-go for men until this week, I guess. I’m tired of the bullshit, and don’t think I should feel compelled to have to appease anyone for any stupid reasons… like option out of a perfectly reasonable food chain, for instance.

    Heather — Fucking hilarious. But NO, you do not need to work around it. You could just say you can do with less hassle, no?

    Nerdgirl’sspace: That’ll teach you for only stopping by and not making me a regular fix! Ha.

  7. Anonymous

    I Refer to movie when Harry met Sally, they aren’t eating salad at Katz’s Delicatessen… Try having that conversation with a vegetarian…

  8. thesluttyduckling

    “I believe that what you cook together in the kitchen tends to take a relationship to a new place. Making excellent meals together and enjoying them together? Wow! I love cookin’ with lovers.”

    NAKED COOKING! My current boy and I have made all kinds of complex and delicious meals together and have had tons of fun. My only restriction is that I don’t like Lamb but that’s hardly limiting. If we’re making that I just pull a bit to the side for myself. But remember, there’s lots of delicious vegetarian meals to cook too! Exploring Indian or Mediterranean food lends itself to tons of vege meals.

  9. Indiagirl

    please try Indian vegetarian food.. Its way better than any non-veg you might find anywhere… And you can have a look at Indias population if u have any doubts abt vegeterian men’s sex drive πŸ˜‰

  10. The Porn Librarian

    I agree with thesluttyduckling 100 percent.

    We cook three veggie meals a week and it’s totally expanded our horizons!

  11. Scribe Called Steff

    Anon — Heh! I can’t remember what they’re eating in that scene, but still funny. πŸ™‚

    Slutty / India / Porn:

    Just because I don’t want to get with a vegetarian guy doesn’t mean I’ll never eat vegetarian food. I’m still not interested in vegetarians because I don’t want to live a double existence just to appease a lover. I’ll eat veggie sometimes, but will not enter into a relationship with a vegetarian for all the reasons I’ve listed in my fun little rant, and more.

    I actually HAVE about five vegetarian cookbooks, but like I say, it’s a relationship choice, so, you know… I feel like I’m getting pressured here. πŸ˜›

    It’s all good, just not as a defining characteristic of a relationship with a man, okie? There.

  12. Scribe Called Steff

    Also, I think I'm more into meats & fish these days because I'm so much more active than I used to be. Strangely, I've certainly added more bean dishes and stuff so I get more protein elsewhere… and those have all been from vegetarian books. Ha.

    But, STILL, I want my eggs and BACON after dirty sex, and I don't wanna feed him GRANOLA and have me feeling guilty for enjoying what my body wants, you know what I mean? So, there. πŸ™‚


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