Sex & Food — And Vodka Grapes

Food and sex. Fuel and the combustion engine. Mac and cheese. Some things are just go together.
Food has been associated with sin and sex ever since Adam and Eve got evicted from the Garden of Eden for swiping an apple. If you’ve ever had a caramelized apple pie, you know Adam and Eve made the right choice. Good one, guys.
For me, food heightens sex. There’s nothing like a well-timed strawberry tied into a bondage/blindfolding session. Except, of course, dark chocolate. Bitter, dark chocolate is in a sexy class all on its own.
I love buttering up a man with an elaborate meal before the evening’s indoor sports. I love a blindfold session with fruit, since the tastes have never been as brilliant as they are in that dark. And really, with all that sweating, grunting, and working out, who doesn’t appreciate a refreshing flavour explosion or a little added sustenance?
Face it, so much can be contributed to your romance by way of your pantry. Some meals can be seduction on a plate. Some foods are teasers you can feed each other to heighten the act. Some delicacies are associated entirely with romancing a lover. (Chocolate fondue, anyone?)
It’s time we acknowledge the holy union of sex and nibbling for what it is: Irresistable.

Vodka-Marinated Grapes
* Vodka
* Grapes

Yep. That’s it. If yer not hip to vodka and the goodness of it, and you don’t know your brands, stick to the following: Iceberg, Stoli, Finlandia, and that advertising whore, Absolut.
Here’s what you do. Take the grapes you like, a seedless variety, and clean them thoroughly. Puncture each one with a toothpick at least once or twice. Put them in a Ziploc baggie and freepour vodka in there until they’re swimming in a fashion worthy of approval by any Russian.
Put them in the fridge and let them get happy for one or two (three?) days. The longer, the better.
When your lover is blindfolded, pop one of those badboys into their mouth and watch the flavour sensation bring a wicked little smile to their lips. (You can taunt them by dragging the cold, dripping wet grape up their torso to their lip. Always heightens it a bit more.)
Don’t be silly and do anything hasty with that vodka, either, kids. Get yourself a little cranberry juice, a martini shaker, some ice, and mix you and your lover a couple nice martinis when you take a break from the gruelling grind.
You can do this with cubed melon, orange slices, Granny Smith apple wedges, mango pieces, whatever gets you happy. Grapes tend to absorb the yummy booze super well, though, and are my personal preference, and really respond nicely to the vodka. If you have any left over and you’re not a martini fan, you can always mix the vodka with some nice fruit for a badly-behaved fruit salad in the morning… particularly if you’re having a stay-home-and-screw Sunday.
All in the name of fun, right?

10 thoughts on “Sex & Food — And Vodka Grapes

  1. Laurie

    good idea.. I like.

    Grey Goose is a good vodka, too.

    I wonder how that would work with one of the flavored vodkas?

    Interesting… 🙂

    Reply
  2. scribe called steff

    Laurie — RIGHT! Forgot about the Goose! Thanks. 🙂

    Debbie — Yeah, I have that book too. I’ll be referring to it in future posts, and have already referred to it in my Fine Art of the Massage posting, which is listed under The Best of the Cunt in my sidebar.

    I always give that book as a wedding present. I figure, HEY, they’re newlyweds — they can’t afford to eat out! Let’em eat in and then maybe eat each other! 🙂

    Reply
  3. jo

    Another booze + fruit idea….

    Banana rum infused oranges

    Use one of those hypodermic type syringes they sell at the grocery store for basting poultry, and inject as much banana rum into the orange as it will hold. Slice the top of the orange off and start sucking! It’s very tasty and kneading the orange to produce more juice reminds me of suckling a breast.

    Reply
  4. saltwatercowgirl

    My two-cents worth:

    1 large watermelon
    1 bottle of vodka
    1 funnel

    Cut a small hole in the top of the melon, insert funnel and add vodka. Over the course of about 24 hours the melon will absorb as much as a whole bottle.
    Refrigerate, then cut open and consume, naked, preferably beside a pool or the sea.
    Delicious, refreshing, messy, full of acloholic juices that trickle down your chin to your breast and stomach, great for licking up!

    Reply
  5. scribe called steff

    jo — nice, sucking a breast. i know that’s up there on my list. banana rum’s not my deal, but hey. 🙂 thanks for the sexipe!

    luci — groovy! thanks.

    salty — using a hypodermic needle would be slower but would infuse it nicely without having to cut a hole it in. i have a story on my other blog about a friend of mine and i infusing a melon with vodka, getting drunk, and watching people do it at a concert. fun fun.

    -h — because i am a FLAWED and IMPERFECT woman, and because i drink Iceberg! canada’s GIFT to the world. along with maple syrup… and ME, of course. 🙂

    morris — and so does satan, apparently, but hey, who’s counting? granny smiths rock.

    Reply
  6. saltwatercowgirl

    Yup, a needle would probably do it best, but if I kept hypodermics in my kitchen cupboards my Mum would come over looking for a pastry brush or something and convince herself that her daughter is a heroin junkie, like the day she found a twisted up piece of foil and a spoon in my schoolbag! (it was just coincidence I swear)

    Reply

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