The New Normal

I knew I was PMSing Friday morning. I was prepared for a shitty day. Got what I was expected, with the added bonus at the end — of finding out my father has prostate cancer.
I know, everyone’s sorry, everyone hopes he’ll pull through. Thank you. Let’s not all say it, though. I’ve been to The Cancer Dance before. It ended badly.* I know there have been advances. I know it’s a different time. I know it’s probably an early diagnosis. But I know cancer.
And I know two more things: I know what I’m made of, and I know it’s out of my hands.
As a result, there’s this remarkable calmness in the face of it right now. Don’t confuse that with me feeling good or being satisfied with this news. Sometimes you need to shut the fuck up about life and fight the fights, but don’t live the fight.
Dunno what else to tell you. Besides thinking on that, Halloween, and a couple other things, the last few days have just evaporated. It will be an interesting week. I’m taking some time on The Dad Front next weekend. Between now and then, I have a lot to take care of.  It’ll be quite the rollercoaster week. Aren’t they all?
*I wrote once that, if I could choose between becoming the woman I am as a result of having lost my mother and keeping my mother dead, or resuming the girl I was at 25 before she died and having her be alive again, I, with great sorrow in my heart, would still choose to be the woman her death made me. Wherever this road leads, I’ll be better for it… because that’s the choice I, or you, can make: take something from every thing that happens to you — whether it stomped your heart on the floor or not.  I almost lost Dad twice in the last three years. He’s a fighter. What else can ya do? We fight.

4 thoughts on “The New Normal

  1. Raul

    Cancer sucks, Steff and I’m sorry to hear about the news. I lost two aunties and my grandmother to the disease, and that’s one of the reasons why I Blogathon for the BC Cancer Foundation (that, and the fact that Derek K. Miller is a very good friend of mine).
    Much love, S.
    .-= Raul´s last blog ..Devote one day to organization and cleanup =-.

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  2. Beth

    Cancer sucks, indeed. My latest post is about a little girl who succumbed to it, in fact. And yet I must confess a bit of a sense of relief when I read that your dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, as it’s, as cancer’s go, one that can often be managed effectively. A dear friend of mine was diagnosed and his doctor wanted to just keep an eye on it, as it’s a cancer that often progresses very slowly. My friend was not keen on the “keep an eye on it” approach and had his doctor schedule surgery to remove it. And today, he’s just fine. Here’s hoping the same is true for your dad, too.
    .-= Beth´s last blog ..‘Donna was singular.’ … =-.

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  3. Zoeyjane

    I hope the normal (which I completely understand, I think) keeps working for you. I hope everything works out okay. I hope, most of all, that they invent a cake/wine/race of men that is calorie/hangover/stupidity free, that can help you work through the moments when it’s not okay and you need to just be outside of it.
    .-= Zoeyjane´s last blog ..How to guarantee I won’t be tipping you =-.

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