Reader: Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

I had a reader question a week or so ago. Pretty short and sweet:

I was wondering what your take is on couples who have a peaceful, mutual breakup (stay good friends) and continue living together until their lease is up.

What, in a nutshell?
“Good luck with that” is about what I think. Good fucking luck.
Yeah, okay, somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds sing and rivers are made of chocolate, and couples who break up really truly can be friends. Yes, Toto, they can! Even in Kansas!
In my twisted little worldview, though, friends after breakup is a whole lot easier said than done. There’s all those weird little remembrances you have to get over. Like, “watching a movie” means a whole other thing if you’re “just friends.”
“You mean I can’t start nibbling your torso when there’s a boring bit?”
Well, there’s always popcorn, honey.
We’re human beings. We’re silly things with opposable thumbs and convoluted ideas on what constitutes civilization. We want to pretend we’re all smart and brilliant when it comes to problem resolution. The problem is, this ain’t no problem to resolve. The death of a relationship is, well, a death.
It dies. Six feet down, all bets off. It’s not a simple change of state. It’s a change of being. You used to fuck in frenzies. You told each other everything. You had dreams and goals and plans. And then, one day, it all went poof in a little whisp of smoke. You sorta saw it coming, yet there you stood still in a state of utter disbelief.
Because that’s how it all goes.
Now you want to think that a little piece of paper that says you have a lease is going to be enough to keep it on an even keel. Let’s hope you’re right. In my world, it just doesn’t tend to work out that well.
I’m a smart person with big brains and long memory, and pushing aside a past in order to have a present seems to be one of those equations I have a difficult time solving. Not that I wouldn’t try to solve it.
But surprises happens. Luck tends to play its hand. And sometimes odds get defied. Me, I err on the side of probability and statistics. Numbers meaning what they do and all.

2 thoughts on “Reader: Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

  1. myself

    Believe it or not, my exhusband and I lived separated for 5 years. He had his floor, I had mine, common areas being the bathroom and the kitchen. I’ve now purchased his half of the house, he’s moved out, I’m seeing someone, he’s not, but we’ve remained friends, there are things that only he and I will get (there was a show on the CBC on otters the other night, I had to call and let him know due to his personal obsession as an example). He was my friend before we ever even dated, and will remain so.

    But I’m really good at putting a wall up where there needs to be one, and apparently so is he, so maybe we’re a bit strange?

    Dunno. If you can do it, go for it, but don’t let it go on too long. Had he and I not physically parted ways after the 5 years, I think the hating each other would have happened, but luckily it didn’t.

    Reply
  2. Spicy Little Pi

    i guess it depends on the person, but in general i’m thinking BAD IDEA

    it would never work for me. i can’t ignore the physical attraction. the thought of the other person doing anything physical with others would make me sick.

    Reply

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