Call, for fuck's sake!

So, date two has come and gone, rather successfully, and a third hovers somewhere on the unspecified horizon.
Now, I’m luckier than the average girl because I have this — a mighty, mighty good decoder ring — available for The Guy to peruse and see what it is I dig or don’t. Because The Guy has a functioning Brain and Powers of Recall, he plays his cards rather well. Such as, calling The Next Day after Date One, and emailing me to thank me for my presence immediately after Date Two. I’m such a sucker for communication.
If you are a guy, and you’re trying to do the whole play-it-cool bullshit, here’s a clue. Most chicks will fucking LOVE YOU if you call. Why? Because suspense might be nice at Christmas time, but it really, really sucks if you’re digging someone after a date and you haven’t heard from them as to whether or not the diggage was mutual. Call. Email. Whatever the hell it takes, and everyone will be all the happier because The Bullshit Factor is cut by half. Plus, there’s the added bonus of anticipation.
Anticipation? It rocks. Knowing a date — a kiss, a cuddle, a grope, a lay — looms on the horizon is a turn on. Suspense, or as I like to call it: Unknowing, takes joy away from things. If you think you’re adding fuel to the fire with “suspense,” you’re not. You’re complicating things and setting the groundwork for what will essentially be a whole lot of head games.
Forget about “being cool.” Be straight up. I’m personally so sick of all that shit that if a guy DIDN’T call the next day, I’d probably write him off. My time’s too valuable for someone who doesn’t know how to clue me in that a good time was had for all. I’ll do my part, he better do his.
Needless to say, not an issue with The Guy thus far, so things are swimming along nicely — a fine happening in time for the first day of Spring, no?

_________________

Now, there could be a “why can’t she call?” line of questioning from the guys out there, and you bloody well know why — she’ll get perceived as needy or clingy, even if it’s not the case. If you boys could stop having such narrow perceptions about chicks that call you, then maybe things would be simpler for you. Unfortunately, yer species’ track record makes it just a tad too iffy for us girlies to take the lead there. As much as some of us might like to. And if, perchance, you luck out and get a chick who’s brazen enough to be open and communicative via giving you the call, and she’s not needy, then at least have the smarts to see it for what it is — a chick who’s willing to help you reduce the Bullshit Factor.

11 thoughts on “Call, for fuck's sake!

  1. jazz

    i’m so well-trained. i wait and wait like it’s my business. of course i’d rather not but i’m just so used to it!

    Reply
  2. scribe called steff

    Jazz — I’m too impatient. I just won’t.

    Beth — Tee hee! You caught that! I was feeling sorta smug about that one, actually. Here’s hoping it catches on. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. Esther

    Amen! If a guy doesn’t call the next day, or takes days to respond I take it that he’s just not that into me.

    Reply
  4. Janice

    Maybe this is just the youth-induced snobbery in me speaking, but I think if a guy calls the next day, it makes him seem a bit too keen, and then I wonder if I have a smotherer on my hands.

    But then again I’ve never actually dated a guy who I both: a) liked; and b) called the next day.

    Maybe it’d be a good thing. *shrug* πŸ™‚ I definitely agree that anticipation is a good thing, though.

    Hey Steff, have you read The Book of Rules? I’d be interested to know what you think of it… um, apart from perhaps wanting to tear it to shreds for kitty litter!

    Reply
  5. Anonymous

    WTF….. It is the way someone was taught! I being older, know that younger guys are into themselves so much, that they,oh hell I don’t know what the fuck they think…..Most young guys are stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMHO. If I went out with a woman on a date and it went well, I couldn’t wait to call her and tell her just how wonderful it was. It ain’t rocket science. I would be thinking of the next date………

    Reply
  6. scribe called steff

    Esther — Exactly. πŸ™‚

    Janice — Yeah, well, if you really dug him, you’d enjoy hearing from him, escpecially if he told you he couldn’t wait to see you again. Relationships are hard enough without holding your cards close to your chest, y’know?

    We’ve been conditioned to think a call the next day from either sex is need, and that’s bullshit — it’s enthusiasm, it’s honest, it’s open, but it ain’t needy.

    THE BOOK OF RULES… Oh, boy. No, I’ve never read it. I’ve heard a lot of the shit involved with it, though, and I ain’t buying into that crap. It’s defensive, it’s insecure, it’s out-of-touch with reality, and frankly, it’s the kind of fucking girl-talk that’s damaging. Here’s what the guys think about girls who follow The Rules. I mean, shit, it’s manipulative, too. I’m tired of us not going with our instinct. I’m tired of feeling like there are protocols for dating. All I know is, if I like a guy, he knows it — one way or the other. I’m not afraid to call him, but I’m not really a phone person so it doesn’t always occur to me to call, either. I’m sort of into spontaneous visits, that sort of thing. A little assertive in that I express what I want, but I know how to play demure, too. It’s a balance.

    But the “Rules” want you to fuck with his head, really, and it puts up walls. I think we have enough guarded people in the world. Vulnerability gives us incredible relationship experiences (albeit it gets us hurt a little more often) and it’s something to strive for — but not according to the Rules. So, I says FUCK the rules, and fuck the women who wrote ’em. They’re as responsible for all the mess that the dating world is in these days as anyone is.

    Fucking “Rules?” Fucking joke. Be straight up. “Straight up, it’s the only way to fly.” –Domenic DaVinci. (Canadians are grinning.)

    I don’t know if “my” rules for dating would apply to society at large, they’re somewhat old-fashioned with a twist (I took my guy flowers the other night when he made me dinner, for example) but I feel good about how I play the game, and that’s what counts.

    Anon — EXACTLY. New relationships are so fun and exciting sometimes, because of that enthusiasm we feel towards the New Person in our lives. Communicating that ASAP makes that enthusiasm there from the get-go. Finding someone great puts a spring in our steps and gives us a crazy assed grin (not to mention makes us aroused 24-7, eh?) and expressing that is a wonderful way to go — the very next day.

    Anticipation, what a gift. I love creating an air of anticipation whenever I’m able, particularly as the relationship advances. You schedule in a great massage or some lock-the-doors-we’re-staying-in-for-sex time, and everyone gets excited to see each other. Ah, it’s all so darned fun.

    Reply
  7. Mad Coyote

    Thanks for this, Steff. It is so nice to have the record set straight on this.

    I’ve never been crazy about the idea of waiting a few days to call and set a second date- always felt somehow uncomfortable to me, and then there’s the question of, how long do you wait?

    I will call the next day for now on, to say thank you and make arrangements for the next one- and if she (whomever “she” may be in the future) finds that too smothering (it’s a two-minute phone call, for cryin’ out loud), then obviously either she’s not into me, or she has some issues that I’m not so keen to deal with.

    Thanks Steff. Every little bit you throw up here helps. Probably, a lot more than you realise.

    Reply
  8. scribe called steff

    Well, that’s something I should’ve clarified, MC — it better be a SHORT and TO THE POINT phonecall.

    Nothing effusive or doting.

    Something, “Hey, I’m on the way out, but just needed to let you know THAT was fun. What say we try that again on Saturday?”

    Then arrange to sort it out later in the week.

    But, you know, if she’s being hotly contested, you might want to play it a little looser. Who knows. It’s not going to be a one-size fits all, ever.

    It’s really the way to go usually, though, when you KNOW they enjoyed being with you. If it’s obvious, then that’s always a good time to BE obvious.

    Reply
  9. Tashe

    I’m so glad that women today are saying these thing out loud so that other women and MEN could read it and go…hmmmmmmmmm

    Games, why have we started using games instead of just saying what we really need to or want to say…

    Authenticity is the BIGGEST FUCKING TURN ON, for men and women.

    I have to believe that the guys are catching up and coming to the conclusions that having an honest and real woman is sexier than one with big tits.

    And the anticipation!

    When you are with someone who is authentic and you can tell that they are just being who they are, no airs, no drama no ra-ra-ra…And you like the person and you KNOW they like you and you are being authentic yourself…The possiblilites are endless and the anticipation is sososo sweet.

    Let’s make honesty sexy people…practice being who you are with the people you meet and good things will happen…

    Reply
  10. scribe called steff

    IN FACT, my good buddy GAYBOY just said that when HE has a date with a MAN, he’ll call them AFTER THE DATE (not the next day!) to make sure they’ve gotten home all right and safe.

    Now *that* is class.

    And that’s why he’s my best friend.

    I like what you say about being who you really are with people. That’s what it’s about. It’s taken me a long, long time to learn how to let my guards down and be more real, more open, more honest, but the relationships and experiences I’ve had in my life since learning how to do it, well, proves I shoulda fuckin’ learned a thing or two long ago.

    Would’ve had a far better time in my 20s had I done so, but fortunately 40’s the new 30 and I’m still young. πŸ˜‰

    Reply

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