Sexual Q & A: Twofer on Masturbation & Lovers' Age Differences

Anonymous wants to know about masturbating in front of a partner.

What about it? Should you do it? Is it cool? Is it freaky? I don’t know specifically what you’re asking, so let’s tackle it all.

STEFF RESPONDS:
No question. Do it. There’s nothing wrong with masturbating for your partner. In fact, I encourage you to. As mentioned by one of my sensational readers earlier last week, it can help you show your partner how your erogenous zones respond to stimulation.
Fact is, we all get off in different ways. Everyone likes a little somethin’ different.
The question is, though, are women as open to watching men masturbate as men are to watching chicks? I can’t answer that. I think women should be, though.
Chicks are raised with this mentality that the male member’s super-sensitive and can’t handle rough treatment. Every chick has had the experience where she’s sat between her boyfriend’s legs to watch TV and accidentally crushed the crown jewels, inciting a pained reaction from the boy in question.
We’re left with this image of cocks being ubersensitive all the time. I wonder, then, how many chicks don’t put all they’ve got into giving a guy a handjob. How hard is too hard to squeeze? How rough can you go? Do most chicks know?
I’ve got a pretty good idea. I’ve often done the mutual masturbation thing and it’s been very illuminating.
Watching a guy jack off can be enlightening, then, for most women. Particularly in that she can just learn from his moves, just like I did. I could spout off about it, but every chick needs to experience it themselves. I scoff at the notion of a guy passing up the opportunity to not only watch a chick masturbate, but to shadow the experience. No guy I’ve ever known has balked.
Guys watching chicks? Abso-fucking-lutely. The female organ’s a true mystery, even to us chicks. Me, if I masturbate, it’s quick and dirty and I move on. It’s a clit thing for me. There are times when the Energizer bunny comes in to play, but most of the time, it’s fingers, fast and furious, and I’m outta there.
Other chicks might read that and think, “What, are you male or something?” It’s a world of difference for each of us.
Absolutely reach out and touch yourself for your lover. Angle yourselves across the bed from each other and mutually stimulate yourselves for each other’s pleasure. Make lots of eye contact, but also watch what it is they’re doing to themselves. Keep the lights on. Turn them down if you need a mood, light some candles and such, but make sure you’ve got visibility, and put aside your bodily insecurities so you can really capitalize on the opportunity to let them see how you make yourself cum.
Education always, always, always improves sex. The more your lover knows about you, the more pleasure you’ll receive. End of story.
What are your thoughts on the matter, folks?
Next on the platter…
Chunu wants to know where I stand on older and younger lovers.

STEFF RESPONDS:
Never really gone out with an older lover. They’ve always been around my age, maybe two-three years older. Younger, though, there’s been a lot of. When I was 27, I was with a 21-year-old for awhile and that was a good time, but it was mostly me teaching him things. Having the opposite be true would be a delight for a change.
I’m not sure why I’ve gravitated towards younger men. Probably because I’ve got a really zippy, youthful personality and I’m a playful, playful girl.
Men with mortgages and baggage daunt me. I’m not into the whole complicated lifestyle thing. I like my life simple and easy, and younger guys seem to be on that page. I also enjoy the exuberance.
Am I, however, opposed to older lovers? No, not at all. In fact, I’m interested in seeing what I’m missing. There’s something to be said for a guy who’s been married, has had the ball and chain, and has moved on from it all, gained from the claustrophobia of it, and is living life to the fullest after it all. I’d love more worldly, experienced, darker men in my life, men who’ve been through shit and know when to appreciate simplicity… like I now do.
Another knock against younger men is that I have NEVER been able to persuade one to learn Tantric sex with me. I don’t understand the hesitation, and there’s nothing I desire to learn more right now than the fine art of Tantra.
I’d love to hook up with a guy around 40 and see what it is he can show me. I’d be wild about the notion of hooking up with a man already schooled in Tantra. I suspect some older men have a lot they can bring to the bed, and like I say, I love an educated man.
The older man thing? It’s simply never happened to work out. I’ve even had dates planned with older guys and they always fall through ‘cos of some emergency with their kids or whatever the fuck it is that happens. And it just constantly reminds me that older men come with a lot of complications…
Complications that just don’t accommodate my lifestyle.
If only that weren’t the case.
And what about you, folks? You have a preference between older and younger lovers? Why? What made that develop? Do you wish your present partner was a different age? Why?

9 thoughts on “Sexual Q & A: Twofer on Masturbation & Lovers' Age Differences

  1. chunu

    Woohoo, thought mine had been an easy one to answer in a paragraph on the comments, and I get my own sentence in the actual text of the blog – yay me LOL.

    I guess I have to go all the way down about five entries to ask another question now 🙂

    Reply
  2. chunu

    Now that I have calmed down from my happy dance, I have been with one younger and two older in my serious relationships. That includes the latest long distance, which is a helluva lot of hard work, and not quite at relationship level yet, apart from the occassional arguments, and yes, I will get shot for that comment LOL.

    The younger one was much more exuberant, although that may have been because she was arty and all (very exciting for logical Chunu here). First truly madly deeply as well, so when I fell I fell hard.

    Older was nice, and I miss having a household to actual buy nice things for, but oil and water, and too much emotional baggage.

    But only two completed relationships thus far, lots more research needs to be completed (as if I will be allowed though LOL).

    I seem to be gravitating with my female friends towards a range up to five years older than me rather than younger. If friends count for this survey of course…

    Reply
  3. Walking Wounded

    I always thought that masturbating in front of a partner was a cool way to break the ice at an odd moment when you want some play. With my last girlfriend, I would touch myself sitting next to her on the couch watching TV or lying in bed when she’d be reading a magazine. Its a cooler way of asking for it, right?

    Same girlfriend would masturbate in bed at night when she couldn’t sleep and she knew I had a big day the next day. Sometimes the shuddering of the bed would wake me up and I would be more than happy to jump in and I had no problem getting up the next morning. Good fun.

    Almost all of my friends are involved with girls that are younger than them. A few are way younger. The most extreme case is my one buddy who starting dating a 17 year old when he was 28! They are still together, bless ’em, but I will get to my objection to this in a second.

    I have always had a little itching attraction for women who are older and more mature. Mostly all of the girls I have dated have been either my age or maybe two orthree years younger. Generationally, you still have things in common with people within your age bracket. You share similar life experiences, world views, educational levels, etc. For a random fling I feel the bracket can expand a bit, because basically you’re not looking for your soul mate anyway.

    For me, being 30, I would consider my bracket to be 25-35 give or take a year. For a relationship, this works because we will still have many things in common. Plus, I am a fan of exploration and learning as well. Somehow, I don’t think a girl 18 will be able to teach me anything I don’t already know. And I am not too turned on by having a naive lover who needs to learn everything for the first time. For some however, this might be a real fantasy to fulfill.

    One of the many reasons my circle of friends had objections to my one friend dating a girl so much younger was technically it was considered statutory rape. Realisticly, this wasn’t the case but still, it weirded a lot of us out considerably. Now that she is older and in grad school the generation seperation between the two of them is not as drastic.

    Things like this aren’t as black and white as we may like to think they are.

    Peace

    Reply
  4. scribe called steff

    CHUNU– Yeah, I’m gonna be 32 in about 5 weeks. Whew. I’d say my range is 25-35. Last week, I was supposed to have a date (TWICE) with a guy who was 37 (and knows Tantra) but wound up getting stood up because his job beckoned and he had to suddenly pick up his daughter, etc. Guy’s loaded, lives on the beach, all that shit, but trying to set something up with him was like trying to get in to see the United Nations Security Council.

    He was terribly sorry, of course. But instead of trying to set something else up, I’ve just walked the fuck away. Too complicated. We couldn’t even find a couple hours — just TWO HOURS — for a walk on the beach!

    At 32, I have the BEST lifestyle out of everyone I know — not because I’m so cool or anything, but because I do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want. I don’t plan too far ahead, I don’t let things get crazy, and I have ZERO life stressors right now other than money and trying to write.

    So getting involved with someone polar opposite of that is unlikely. I’ll probably stick with youth, but that also has problems.

    WW — I don’t know if masturbating’s a cooler way of asking for sex. I’d have to beg off of agreeing with you on that. I’ve always loved having a hand slip between my thighs or a kiss on my neck out of the blue, or even him placing my hand on his stiffening cock or something. It doesn’t take a lot to incite/excite me.

    I have seldom ever been “asked” for sex. I also have seldom ever passed up the opportunity to have sex, considering I’ve got a damned healthy sex drive, if not a little overactive, when involved with someone.

    Mutual masturbation has always been a part of my playtime with boys. Every now and then, it’s the right way to go.

    And yeah, I’ve definitely done the chick thing and masturbated with him asleep or something. It happens. Sometimes, a little too enthusiastically, so I could wake him up, yeah. Nothing like waking-up-in-the-night sex. Fun for everyone.

    And your comments on age are valid. I could never go out with someone that young. Just couldn’t. Wouldn’t care how mature they are. I’ve been through way too much shit in life to go out with someone who’s been through none.

    There’s a gratitude I find in people who’ve overcome adversity. Something that sets them apart. I find it’s true with me. I’ve got a little something different from a lot of people I know, and I can’t just put all that aside in favour of some young thang.

    Good for your friend, but it would weird me out. Another problem with going out with someone so young is that YOU provide the learning curve. All their growing life experiences are provided by YOU… and I like the idea of two very different life paths converging for love and sex and fun. You start too young and you don’t have that disparity that melds into something new you both share. It’s strange, weird.

    Reply
  5. Simply Her

    I think masturbating infront of eachother is a good learning experience so you find in what sensual ways of touching or etc they perfer.

    & the questions you asked.
    You have a preference between older and younger lovers?
    I usually go for a guy around my age or older, the guy I am with now is 4 years older. The younger guys are a big turn off for me. Why? I don’t know, just felt weird for me to be with a younger guy, it’ll probably change in a few years..as I get older.
    What made that develop? Not sure actually.. natural feelings.
    Do you wish your present partner was a different age?
    No. I’m actually content with the whole older male aspect. Plus he has great experience to definately keep me satisfied.
    Why? I guess I answered above.

    Reply
  6. scribe called steff

    Yeah, but 4 years isn’t that much older. How would you feel about 10 years old? 15?

    I’d probably go up to 40, MAYBE, and I’m 32. Anything beyond that would freak me out.

    Reply
  7. Steve

    I find watching my partner masturbate to be an incredible turn-on, actually. It’s like they are giving you a window into their most private moment, they are letting you in where no others are allowed. And as has been said it is a great way to pick up some tips as to how they like to be touched.

    In terms of age preference… I lean towards guys perhaps 3-4 years younder up to 7-8 years older. I’m 24 so you may think I’m being restrictive, but I just don’t find guys outside of this range attractive.

    Younger guys, well lately I’ve been finding immaturity an irritation. And come mid to late thirties I start losing physical attraction.

    What can I say, I can be a fussy bastard when I want to be.

    Reply
  8. scribe called steff

    Well said, Steve.

    Your age preference is great. Your age is about as low as I’ll go, depending on maturity, and as I’ve said, 40 is the oldest, but ideal is 26-34 or so.

    Reply
  9. pacific_waters

    I would say that there is a tendency to be more concerned in the Anglo-Saxon countries about age than in continental European countries. South America seems to be similiar. I have an aquaintance in Ecuador who is 70 and has a 35 year old lover. Not that there’s much loving anymore. The body tends to override the mind after a certain age. That is not to say that May-December, well maybe may-october, is all that common, just less shocking. It may be a function of our american obsession with youth but in my travels in Europe I had numerous opportunities to have affairs with women as much as 25 years younger. Never did, i tend to find i am much too inclined to become emotionally involved with my sex partners which wouldn’t be fair to my wife or another woman. I did have a 3 month relationship may years ago with a woman 6 years my senior. Of course that was in the San Francisco area in 1970 so that may account for that. Didn’t seem at all strange. On the subject of masturbation it’s tremendous fun to masturbate in front of your partner.

    Reply

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