The Man's Guide to Cunnilingus Pt. 2

I’m assuming you’ve read part one of this? As a preamble to part two, I’d like to get you to read the scene found below from the show Friends. The point is pretty basic: Almost every chick has had the experience where a guy just has no clue how many erogenous zones we have — hell, even the back of the knees and the fold between where the ass and thigh meet can drive some chicks wild.
In short, fairly common hot zones? Nape of neck, earlobes, ears as a whole, tops of shoulders, breasts (all over), nipples, anywhere on the groin, the clit, the labia, the g-spot, the perineum, the mons, the fingers, the toes, the inner thighs, and for some chicks, the list goes on: the back of the neck, down the spine, the ass (the cheeks and everything in between), the torso, the belly button…
Guys can get bitter that chicks are as “sensitive” as they are… (Albeit, they generally mean emotionally.) Well, it applies physically, too, and that can really play to your sexual advantage, especially if you connect the dots as well as Monica does in that scene below.
Men need to realize that everything from lightly twisting the public hair to gnawing on the mons can drive a woman wild when it comes to orally pleasing a chick.
(If you’re furrowing your brows, “Mons?” Then here’s a helpful diagram you can refer to.)
Let’s face it, when it comes to oral, there aren’t a whole lot of different things you need to master. It all comes down to pacing and variety. It comes down to watching your lover, feeling their reaction, understanding those shudders, gasps, moans, and twitches. This is true of oral regardless of whether it’s straight or gay, on a man or a woman. Knowledge, responding to the physical evidence, attention to detail, and variety of methodology/pace are all things you need to bring to the table.
Sex — oral or penetrative — is like driving a standard transmission. Every little thing you do is going to provoke a reaction. It can go so well or so bad, all depending on you mastering those gears, knowing when to gear up, gear down, or when to just ride it out.
That said, there are areas that will provoke greater reactions, and that always, always, always includes the clit.
I don’t know if there’s an area on the man’s body that reacts with the same intensity as a woman’s clit. If there was, it’d probably be the frenulum, that sensitive bit just under the nib of the cock’s tip, which has always been a favourite plaything of mine during fellatio.
But for us girls, the clit is your ticket to orgasmic fame. So don’t even fucking think of starting things there. The clit’s where you go when you want to take her higher, push her to the edge of it all. It’s not an appetizer. It’s not the starter.
The starter is the inner thighs. Chew them, suck them. Trace a finger up and down her cunt as you do. She’s wet now, and ready for something more, anything more, and you know it. But just to be sure, lick your fingers first. Get ‘em good and moist.
Slip a finger in, and thrust it gently in and out a few times, still nibbling on those inner thighs. Slip a second finger in, thrust one or two times, then rotate your fingers completely around in one direction and back again, and again… like you’re using your fingers to wash the inside of a small-mouthed bottle or a dirty shot glass, slowly pulling out and pushing in as you rotate.

eating out

Your other hand can be scooped under her ass during this, clutching it, or maybe draped over her torso and fonding a breast. You’re still chewing her inner thigh, but now you move up to the crease of skin between where her leg ends and vagina begins. Start to lick a little, sucking a bit as you do. Slide your wet fingers out and pry her leg back and open for greater access to her goods. Delve your tongue into her.

In case you never got the memo, it’s important to know that while most chicks do love a good, hard fuck, because the animality of it’s the arouser, the reality is that most sensation we feel is when a guy does only shallow, quick thrusts with his dick. The reason for this is that our vulvic walls swell just inside the entrance of our cunt, and it’s the shallow thrusting against these swollen walls that stimulates us the most. When you’re deep inside us, it’s the same breadth and friction all the time, with little variety of sensation — unless you’re hung like Ron Jeremy or something (which does NOT appeal to the average chick).
This is why oral is so goddamned effective — you’re getting us where we most want to be gotten — in the shallows.

Start off just thrusting and flicking with your tongue… deep and hard is always thoroughly good. Try to use the full range of motion with your tongue — all the way up and down. But you should try to acquire the skill of making your tongue as wide as you can. If this means losing length, then so be it. You can vary the exploratory tonguing between both the wide and long approach.
I’m sure it’s a little trickier to manage, but if you can slip a finger in her while you’re doing the tonguing, it can be a really, really arousing sensation. Your thumb is probably the most manageable digit to use for this approach, and that’s just fine.
But what about speed, you ask? There’s a lot to be said for slow and thorough, and there’s also great things to be said about fast and aggressive. I favour a little bit of each, but some nights beckon for all of one or the other. It’s really something that’s going to depend on how she’s reacting and what the mood of your evening has been, and what she needs.

A word to the girls… it can be a real turn-on for men if they know you’re not lying there with your head back and your eyes closed. Watch them, scrutinize them, communicate with your eyes just how good you’re going to fuck them when they’re through. This can heighten your arousal — and theirs — as you watch them gnawing on you. Keep some candles or a light on so they can peer up at you as they’re devouring you. Eye contact is always arousing in oral.

As you continue working her over, you can use both hands to pull her thighs apart, pulling the fleshiness out of the way so you can orally enter her as deep as you can. (Girls, you realize you have a standing invitation to help your man out by doing this for him, too, right? And it’ll often get him rock hard if you do participate. Nothing like a helpful girl to get a man off.)
But don’t do these moves all at once. Remember the Friends’ scene. You want to take breaks, often traipsing up to the mons to chew or lick, and moving occasionally up to her breasts and neck, still devouring her as you go. Smother her with your body, flick your cock head up and down her wet cunt, pressing it hard against her clit, letting it twitch a little if you can, teasing her as you suck and nibble her breasts or neck. Kiss her hard and deep, then soft and slow. Fondle her breasts. As you’re teasing her with your cock, lower it off the clit, flexing it up and down against her as you drop a hand down between you and softly, gently toy with her clit.

A word about the clit. Make sure that when you’re fingering her clit that you’re applying the soft pads of your finger. You have no idea how sensitive to touch the clit can be, and too much nail or bony fingertip can quickly undo all the work you’ve done to this point.

If you’re in touch with your inner bastard, feel free to slip your cock into her for one, two, or three good thrusts, but then pull out and deny her more of the same.
Always leave ’em wanting. That’s my motto. And also my cue.
The cliterature will continue with the next installment, PART THREE, here!

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If you’ve learned something, or just like what you read, and can afford to throw 2 bucks or even 20 in my direction, feel free. The DONATE link on my sidebar (top) goes to PayPal, where you can do your thing. 🙂

26 thoughts on “The Man's Guide to Cunnilingus Pt. 2

  1. jazz

    eh, give people a bit. my blog has been slow this weekend too.

    all excellent so far. think i’ll start sending my men over here…

    Reply
  2. scribe called steff

    Makes you long for winter when everyone had nothing better to do but comment, huh?

    I want guys to be digging this, but it’s really important to me that chicks read it and go “uh-huh, more of that, thank you” since they’re the eventual recipients and all. So, yay.

    Reply
  3. T

    Hey, I’ve always gotten compliments on my technique, but I think that is partly due to the fact that I know that there is no ‘one’ method for oral sex, and keeping an open mind. So thanks for the first two parts, I’m lookings forward to the next 2 or 3. Very useful info so far- I’m going to bookmark the pages for review, for the next time I’m going to be down there.

    It’s nice to see some stuff that I already know, and better to see things that I hadn’t known.

    Reply
  4. T

    You want comments? Fine, if I have to take the hit in order to read the rest of this, I will.

    I don’t really think women deserve orgasms. Sure, I’ll go down on a woman, but it’s only because I enjoy it, not because her orgasms matter at all. When I was in my 20s, there was a lot of competition for women, and they could pick and choose. Now that I’m in my 30s, and since all the really good guys have been married off or are gay, I find myself in the catbird’s seat.

    Women these days are a lot less picky, so when I say, “you don’t really deserve orgasms” I can tell they aren’t happy, but will take what they can get. In other words, me.

    On second thought, this all seems perfectly reasonable to me. Sorry it won’t garner any comments.

    Reply
  5. colonialave

    All I can say Steff is – THANK you.

    Damn you don’t know HOW many times guys have no clue what they’re doing. Sorry gentleman – I’m not generalizing . . . but in all honesty the guys that I’ve been with don’t know what they’re doing. They’re too hot, too horny, too excited to be patient and totally please me. Granted I tell them “baby, slow down . . ” nope doesn’t work.

    *Sigh* If only you were a man, Steff. I’d take you to bed any day 😉

    There I go hitting on you again. Honestly. . . .

    Oh and I’m linking you. I don’t have an amazing fan base by any means but more people need to read this kind of stuff. PLEASE your woman. Listen to Steff. If you’re good in bed we’ll never leave you 😉 hehehehe

    Reply
  6. scribe called steff

    T., I’m glad you’re getting something out of the postings, but I think your second comment is so full of shit that a laxative is in order. I think that if women put up with you after you’ve said something that incredibly stupid to them, that they need to check their heads.

    You’ll never justify that statement to me. Making a guy cum takes a fucking snap of the fingers. I don’t need to exert myself. And I won’t, if he has a stupid attitude like that. You want MY “a” game, you better sure as hell bring yours. But let’s see what the readers have to say about that. I’m sure it’ll provoke something interesting, for THAT, I thank you.

    As for my posting garnering response? Yeah, it’ll get exactly what I want it to get because I get what I want. Simple. Besides, it’s my party.

    Colonial — You peach. Thanks. Glad you’re digging it. If I was a man, I’d have a line-up around the block and I know it. Heh. Detail! Detail!

    Kinda funny how many guys think they’re amazing at oral. So few are.

    Reply
  7. figleaf

    Hi Steff,

    Thanks for taking the time to really, really explain what’s going on. Some of this I knew instinctively, some I learned through trial and error, some I thought I knew but I was wrong, some I didn’t know at all. I really appreciate the detail you’re providing, the effort you’re taking to put things in terms men can relate to, and especially the sheer volume of information you’re providing. I mean crikies, three posts and you’re only halfway there. You said earlier “depending on how much I decide to put in there.” How about if I write a post applauding you up one side and down the other, and encouraging people to come read it, and encourage men to actually *do* what you recommend? How about if I apply all the ideas you’ve reinforced, reminded me of, and introduced the next time I perform cunnilingus. I’d prefer draw the line at telling her where I learned it, but if that’s what it takes to get you to finish the series I’m at least willing to consider it.

    Specific details I appreciate: Instructors often say “her whole body can be…” you provide specific examples while making it clear there can be others. You provided a highly accessible example by using a well-known episode of Friends. You indirectly provided a good argument for shaving by proposing gnawing the mons itself, which I hadn’t considered before but would worry about pulling hairs if any got caught in my teeth. You did a wonderful job explaining how the outermost part of the vagina has most of the nerve endings. If I went back, which I certainly will, I could pull several other great examples of how you explained something in a way that, even if you had a basic understanding, makes the technique, or area, or idea clearer.

    In short, thank you. Thank you very, very much.

    Take care,

    figleaf

    Reply
  8. Anonymous

    Ok, my husband is too shy to comment (and look at *me* being all brave, anon, anon LOL). But he has really enjoyed reading this series (and went and read the Ladies’ Guide too), as have I 😉

    Do I know how good he is compared to anyone, no. That’s right, we have only been with each other. But he rocks my world (and sometimes, rocks it multiple times ::::growl:::::). Though I think great sex can be made better–and you’re certainly doing your part to help us grateful readers.

    So glad I found this blog (through the Cunning Linguist’s Journals).

    Reply
  9. anna

    Came over on figleaf’s advice…This is great, keep up the good work!!

    and I feel the need to make apparent my distaste for the entire “I don’t really think women deserve orgasms” line of thought…

    Reply
  10. scribe called steff

    Figleaf — I liked your comment about “terms men can relate to” and suspect that might refer to my allusion to sex being like driving standard. A funny story — back when I taught an ex-boyfriend how to drive standard, I likened it all to being like sex. He caught on SURPRISINGLY quickly. Heh. Very effective. 😉

    Here’s a promise: I’ll do two more posts. I will cover a couple fun little techniques, debunking one MAJOR myth of a technique that so many guys seem to think is BRILLIANT but make us kind of yawn in some ways, and a crash course in positioning, including one rather uncommon one that’s guaranteed to get you very pleasing results. Deal? I have to draw the line there, though, and keep some info for my future endeavours, since I’d like to turn this sex advice thing into a paying gig. HEAR ME, PUBLISHERS? YOU KNOW YOU’RE INTERESTED. Heh.

    I’m glad you dug the episode of Friends. It took me about forty minutes or so to find the episode and its transcript online, but I was pleased to post it and hoped it would bring the point home while getting a chuckle or two. Lord knows I laughed as I edited it for dramatic pauses and such.

    As for gnawing the mons and the hair issue? Just cover your teeth with your lips, if that’s a big concern, and clamp down harder. The odds are good that the hair-pulling wouldn’t be a problem. It doesn’t hurt, oddly, like it does on the head. I can’t remember a time a guy has pulled a hair from that area and caused me discomfort. I say go to it. 🙂

    Anonymous — Awesome! I love hearing about couples who both find something helpful here. That is SO cool. I love it. I actually had a classmate, a woman around 50, ask to read my Giving Head guide and she loved it so much that she gave it to her EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER to read. That made my bloody month. 🙂

    I have some other fun tips coming up in the next couple weeks. Wait’ll I tell you what you can do with a crockpot.

    (Yes, I’m serious.)

    _____________

    Anna — Thank you, and I agree! Evil statement. The problem is, we’re re-entering a “me” phase in society. Everyone’s so goddamned selfish, and they’re taking it to the beds. I hereby pledge to withhold orgasms from any man who thinks so selfishly, and I encourage men to withhold orgasms from women who are unwilling to help them reach that higher level, too. It’s bullshit. We can do so much for each other and it brings so much fun, pleasure, and relief to us all when we do. Why does it have to be all about US? I enjoy my orgasm more when it’s reciprocating something I’ve done for him — and vice versa.

    Life’s too short to deny ourselves these things, and that kind of backdated selfish thinking is all about denying yourself. Only they’re too stupid to realize it.

    (And T. may be being a devil’s advocate and just stirring the pot, but there are men AND women out there who think stupid things like that.)

    Reply
  11. Sazzle

    OK I’m loving this, may have to direct men here, especially one who seems to be unwilling to ‘go there’ though we’ve only been together twice so I don’t know if he ever will. I am however feeling the ‘what’s in it for me’ thing, as he seems to be more than a willing recipient.

    I love oral, it can be so amazing, though I have to say I never used to enjoy it until a now ex got some great advice, and don’t even ask me what he did, I was far too busy enjoying myself. Yeh I know I really should watch a guy, because it turns me on when I’m being watched and I love lookin up to see a guy loving what I’m doing. Apparently I’m good at doing it, but I will be reading the guide to giving head sometime soon, as I’m sure there is always something I could learn!

    PS. Steff if I was in publishing (Bridget Jones hehe) I would give you a book deal, I think your advice rocks!

    Reply
  12. T

    Umm. not even being a devil’s advocate – I just said the most troll-like thing I could think of, figuring that someone would take the bait, and start some comments going. A devil’s advocate takes a legitimate positions to make a point… There are so many things inherently wrong in what I posted, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Well, maybe the fact that I called it ‘reasonable.’ 🙂

    To be honest, it never occurred to me that it would be taken seriously…

    Are there people who think like that? I’m sure there are, and there is at least one, in my experience – but she wouldn’t be reading a guide on how to give good head. And neither would I, if I wasn’t consistantly trying to get better at it.

    So if I offended anyone, I apologize – I was overzealously trying to hurry the next post along. I’ll go back to lurking now 🙂

    Reply
  13. scribe called steff

    Sazzle — Tee hee. Thanks, Bridget. I think there are a lot of guys too timid to go check out bookstores and stuff for sex tip advice. Maybe bringing the water to the horse is the way to go. 😉

    _____________

    T, you silly boy. I’m the wrong girl to tease with such silly statements. I call a spade a spade. Effective attempt, though! I haven’t written part three, after all that fuss. But I plan to do some writing today and I know where it’s going. All mapped out in my head. Shouldn’t be a problem. Probably tomorrow.

    Thanks for the ass-backwards attempt there. Ha.But can you say those three little magic words for us? “Women deserve orgmasms?” Tee hee. Apology totally accepted.

    I have to admit. I was PMSing. I get this one 6-12 hour period usually of “I’ll kill any bastard who gets in my way” type attitude, and YOU just HAPPENED to post that in that period. Ha! Nice timing.

    MORE COMMENTS WOULD STILL BE GOOD, though. I love a decent audience!

    Reply
  14. T

    Women deserve orgasms. They deserve them often. They deserve orgasms at a ratio at least 10:1 for every male orgasm – at least in my experience. For reasons too complicated to explain, it is almost always a lot easier for someone I’m with to cum, than it is for me to cum, so 10:1 is the ratio I strive for. Not because I enjoy it, although I do, but because more female orgasms is a Good Thing, and makes the world a better place.

    Reply
  15. scribe called steff

    Oh, well, then, T, you can have my phone number any-time-you-like. ha!

    I like them odds.

    But sounds to me like your girls need to get a little more schooled in their skills. Poor boy.

    Reply
  16. saltwatercowgirl

    Fantastic!
    Seriously considering emailing this link to every man I ever slept with…THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE!
    Can’t wait for the rest, and will be dropping by regulary from now on…thanks to figleaf for recommending you.
    Now to find a way to subtly drop the link for my hubby!

    Reply
  17. T

    Stef – It just takes me a long time to cum – there are several competing theories as to why, but as none of those theories have actually lead to a solution, I guess it doesn’t really matter why. The one thing I do know is that it isn’t from a lack of skills.

    I’ve been lucky enough to have been with several women who are GGG, and extremely good at making their partner feel good. Being with them is extremely pleasureable. It’s not that it doesn’t feel good – just that crossing the finish line can take a long time. I know now several ways to shorten it, but from sex alone? I can last 3-4 hours.

    Some people like it that I can last – and stay hard – a long time. It can definately be fun on occasion, but it’s not something that my partners necessarily want to deal with every time we have sex.

    And the first thing I am usually asked is whether they are doing something wrong, or could do something better. And it’s tough to convince them they are not. And I definately don’t want sleeping with me to be an exercise in humility…

    So if this sounds familiar to anyone out there, it really wasn’t you. And i hope you had fun 😉

    Reply
  18. T

    As for your number? Too scary. Sleeping with an actual sexpert? I can just see it now:

    “T, what the hell are you doing? Didn’t you read the comments to the Fourth Update to the Guide to Fine Dining? We specifically discussed this. In detail. You should be using the ring finger of your LEFT hand. Idiot.”

    I know when I’m out of my league….

    Reply
  19. scribe called steff

    LOL!

    Yeah, I think I’m shooting myself in the foot with this column. I’m never going to get laid again. I’m actually a very generous and easy-to-please lover. I love fumbling my way through to getting to know a guy, and I assure you, I make as many expects as I know he’ll make. That’s part of the fun of it all.

    And every guy brings something new to the table, something fun and wonderful, and it’s as much about the time with him as it is about what he does. I don’t judge guys, really. But I’ll talk to him about things I wish he’d try, and that’s always awesome and fun since I’ll ask him what he’d like me to do, too.

    It’s all good. All about conversation and getting to know each other.

    Sex isn’t as fun a journey if it’s awesome the first time out the gate. In fact, it’s never awesome the first time out the gate, I find, and that’s just fine with me.

    Reply
  20. scribe called steff

    “I make as many expects”… what the hell was I smoking?

    I meant to say I make as many MISTAKES as I expect he’ll make. Duh.

    Now I gotta listen to Kenny Wayne Shepherd’s cover of that Stones’ classic. Thanks, T.

    Reply
  21. Goose and Gander

    I had the vast good fortune of meeting a woman who taught me a lot about the cunning arts at an early age. The skills have served me – and others – well. It’s nice to have a reminder of all the variations and subtlties though, and I’ve never read such a clear (and arousing) tutorial – great job!
    [gander]
    …props to figleaf for pointing me over to your site….

    Reply
  22. scribe called steff

    Glad you’re enjoying it! Awesome. 🙂

    I didn’t feel qualified to write it, though, since I thought I should bea lesbian or something first, but it’s worked out well. I’m happy it has. Thanks for visiting! 🙂

    I got more tricks up my sleeve, though. 😉

    Reply
  23. Pingback: The Man’s Guide to Cunnilingus: Pt. 1 | Smut & Steff

  24. J Titus

    Any idea for guys who have problems with repetitive motion with their tongues, practice making the letter of the alphabet while you are licking your girl. It is a method that has served me well. If you are unimaginative the go through your A,B,C in English because it will vary the spots receiving the pressure and take you all around the vagina. If you have the time to practice of foreign language or you are learning one I recommend Polish or a Slavic language because it will take you around and allow you to thrust in past the lips making accent symbols and/or give you opportunities to tease the clit with the umlauts that often appear.

    Reply
  25. darkond2100

    I’ve never really given much though to my foreplay but it prides me to know how much I’m doing right. I’m glad that my mother taught me massage therapy when I was little, it sure is useful today!

    Reply

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