The Man's Guide to Cunnilingus: Pt. 1

I had an anonymous request to do a companion guide for my “Good Girl’s Guide to Giving Great Head,” so here we go.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Oral sex is best when it’s a long, dedicated endeavour. If you want a quickie, then fuck and be done with it. If you want oral like it should be done, then take the scenic route.
Remember what I say: The devil may be in the details, but so too is the orgasm.
But it’s a two-way street. Chicks, if you want your man to really take his time, then the muffro’s got to go, baby.
Muffro? Self-explanatory, isn’t it? A little term I’ve come up with for the bushy, unshaven twat kept by a segment of women out there. Sure, there are guys who don’t floss enough and might benefit from it, but really… Muffro’s just gotta go.
If your chick does need shaving, but it’s something she does do herself most of the time, don’t be afraid to offer to help. Break out the electric shaver and ask if she’s open to having you do a little gardening for her. Trim that bush. (A tip? Obviously you’re removing hair — do yourself a favour and place a pillowcase or towel underneath her midsection before you go to work. When done, just wipe away the lingering hairs between her legs and crumple the towel and toss it aside. Now you’re ready to proceed.)
Remember that “two-way street?” There are hygiene issues for men, too. Make sure your nails are short and filed to a nice, smooth edge. You can’t possibly imagine how tender areas of the vagina can be, and those nails are a huge issue for some of us. I’ve given a man a manicure to prevent pain later. Don’t be afraid to offer such services to your man, chicks.
I had one reader mention how he and his lover (also a man) often use rubber gloves when exploring the more sensitive regions of their bodies. I can see how this would work, but it’s the quick’n’easy cure to an otherwise easily remedied problem via the above-mentioned manicure servicing. Rubber gloves, for me, are far too fucking clinical for what should be a passionate experience. It’s bad enough we have to wear condoms (not a negotiable item in any casual experience, period) but to increase the amount of clinical latex in the experience? I say no.
Fact is, sex is usually about skin-on-skin contact. Don’t be a lazy guy. Take care of your hands. Make sure you use hand cream from time to time, and make sure those nails are of insertion-level standards.
And what about beards and facial hair? A closely-trimmed goatee can be exciting for me. I sorta dig that. I also love it when a guy’s got two- or three-day stubble. It gets me, personally, really hot. The downside? It’s a little abrasive and I can’t take as much oral as I might otherwise receive. (But there’s a lot to be said for that aggressive, quicker experience on selective occasions. God, is there.)
A clean-shaven face is the safest way to go. Soulpatches can also be a total turn-on. Conversely, not mustaches so much. Because of the way the mouth and lips move, the soulpatch can stimulate all the right areas, but not overly so, since there’s so little hair to worry about.
Another issue not often brought up can be that of chipped teeth. Many chicks can attest to the great sensation of having their clit nibbled. Chipped teeth, though, can make this an unpleasant experience with that rough edge messing up what might have been a really hot experience.
If you’re new to the act of nibbling clits, I’ll say the same thing to you as I’d tell any chick teething a guy’s cock. Not every chick will enjoy this. Inquire as to whether it’s turning her on. If so, then have at ‘er. If not, then sucking will have to do.
Now, let’s move on. Should she be seated, lying down, or on your face?
A lot of guys have this fetishistic love for chicks sitting atop their faces as they eat her out. All right, I can understand it, but let’s face it: It can be murder on a chick’s thighs to stay there too, too long, and it takes a hell of a lot more concentration on her part. It’s often more for you than for her, since lying down allows her to just give in to the sensation. If driving her wild’s your destination, then keep that in mind.
If you want to do all-out, intensive exploration, let the woman lie down. Let it be all about her. The reality is that you don’t have to be in that same boring position with your head perpendicular between her legs. You can vary the geographic approach a little, even if you are horizontal, and I’ll get to that later.
First of all, though, an important thing guys need to realize is that there’s a reason it’s called “oral sex:” Because it needs foreplay, too.
Don’t just undo her pants and sic yourself on her. If you want a night where you drive her wild, I recommend the massage-to-oral transition for guys, as well. (I referred to that technique in the Girl’s Guide, too.)
If you don’t know, there are flavoured/edible oils out there that really make massage a delicious way to arouse and relax your partner simultaneously. The folks at Kama Sutra (the brand name, not the centuries old guide to the art of Tantra) make a number of sumptuous oils, like Cinnamon Spice, Raspberry Kiss, Ambrosia, Cherry Almond, and a couple more.
(Kama Sutra also has a nifty 5-oil sampler pack so you can have a smorgasboard of tasty experiences. Here’s just one of many retailers selling it online, just so you can see what I mean. These prices are very good. Kama Sutra products are awesome. Something that can do wonders for the yummy-factor of your skin, for either sex, is dusting with their Honey Dust before you meet your lover for the night. It leaves your skin tasting sweet like honey, particularly after you start getting a little hot and bothered. Very erotic and really helps bring out the carnivore in a lover.)
If the notion of giving a “good” massage leaves you with a little stage fright, then how about some pointers?
If she’s already willing to be naked, then get that out of the way. We’re picking up there: She’s naked, stretched out on the bed. An auspicious start, yes?
You can either be at her side or seated atop her bottom. The latter gives you better leverage and a more useful angle to do your work from. Plus, it feels good for both of you and always heightens the arousal aspect ever so slightly. Always my favourite position for a well-applied massage.
Now, a good massage always starts around the neck. Slow kneading of her shoulder-top muscles is a great way to instantly help her relax into the moment. An important issue to point out that’s more relevant to male-on-female massage is that of intensity. A lot of women are more sensitive to deep-tissue work — and not in a good way. Don’t just assume your pressure is good. Ask her. Don’t ask, “Do you like this?” but rather, ask “Is this too hard?” If she says “yes,” then find your way to what works for her. Don’t take it personally and don’t question her tastes. Do what she likes.This goes both ways.
Back to the gameplan. You’re kneading her neck the way she likes. Don’t forget to dote on that area at the top of her neck, where the skull meets the spine. This is the area that most contributes to relaxation. Spend a moment of two there, and then move on south. Don’t forget to throw the occasional neck nibble into the mix.
Dabble on the shoulders, and work your way down her spine, with the heel of your hand in the center on either side of the spine, and fingers stretched out. Just work it, occasionally skimming the surface lightly, like a soft breath, so she continues relaxing and falls into that lucid, sedate state. Don’t worry… you’re going to make her grow alert.
Now, towards the end of the back massage, as your hands slide down her back, follow your progress with your mouth. You can nibble and bite your way down, right down onto her ass, using a hand to massage her inner thighs, staying on the outer ridges of the vagina at the very least. You’re not going there yet.
The basic point, massage or no, is to work over her body before you work over her twat. Get her riled and excited before you enter her with your tongue or fingers. There’s something really great about getting the whole body relaxed before you tense her up with all that teasing and taunting of bringing her to the edge and retreating again.
With the back tended to, have her roll over, if she hasn’t already. You can mount her as you did with her backside, if you like, without entering her. It can be very, very arousing to simply have the length of your shaft pressing against the length of her cunt. It’s a very effective tease, so definitely pay attention to this detail.
If you’re taking this massage/foreplay approach, then lather her breasts and torso with the flavoured oil. Some of the most effective and erotic moves are also the simplest, like running your oily hands up her sides, all the way up her arms and returning slowly down them to rub and massage her shoulders from the front. Slowly move your hands down — rubbing her breasts, fiddling with the nipples, squeezing a little, or harder if she likes that kind of action. (I’d approve, but I’m not sure how many women like having their breasts aggressively manhandled. Chicks, care to vote on this?)
I feel that the more you explore and cover her whole body, the more she’ll lose any inhibitions she might have. When guys focus only on our ass, tits, and twats, our inhibitions about our imperfections can really shout at us. When they’re unafraid to own our whole bodies during the sexual experience, it can really bring out our boldness. When you want her, want all of her. She will respond — guaranteed.
Lean in and mouth her tits. Nibble, suck, and tongue them. (I say “tongue” as a verb as opposed to lick, since there’s a lot you can do with a tongue that doesn’t just involve licking — you can apply pressure, simply flick it, or more. Discover your tongue’s hidden talents in all areas of sex, not just oral.)
Fondle the other breast, and if you want to make her feel really cared for at this point, you can run a hand up to the back of her neck and knead it a little while you orally dote on the nipples. There’s a real pleasure to be found in simultaneously mixing sensitive actions with aggressive ones. The balance can be really fulfilling when you’re on the receiving end, so explore ways you can provide a little of each over the course of an evening.
If you’ve mounted her and have your shaft pressed between her legs, don’t forget to teasingly shift it from time to time. This’ll also keep you clued in to whether she’s wet enough to toy with yet, without having to use your hands. Hopefully, it’ll also keep you aroused and make you want to perform better as you’re sensing her level of arousal growing.
Smother her with your body, nibble her neck, kiss her on the lips, whatever you want to be doing, and then let the games begin.
Snake down her body, nibbling and sucking and biting as you go, until you reach that promised land.

Part Two.

37 thoughts on “The Man's Guide to Cunnilingus: Pt. 1

  1. scribe called steff

    Wow! I was still polishing and discovered you’ve already commented. Must’ve logged in just as I posted.

    But thanks. i’m there for my sisters. I think we all need a little better oral in our lives. I love sex but oral, man… It’s the height of everything. Love good oral.

    All modesty aside, this is gonna be required reading for my loverboys here on out. More to come.

    I hope anonymous is digging it.

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Steff-
    I am totally digging it. I even love that you made it a cliffhanger. Lets the guys who read your site absorb this first warm up /foreplay part.
    I look forward to your next installments.

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    Some very good pointers indeed–most of which, my man does VERY nicely 😉 I’m sending him over later though hehehe.

    On the breast issue–just depends what kind of mood I’m in. I think it’s like you said with the massage–guys, just ask.

    Have just been reading for a few days, you’ve got a great blog here!

    Reply
  4. scribe called steff

    I feel like I’m embroiled in some Shakespearean play — “Anon! Anon!”

    It’s great that women approve of what I’ve written. After all, you’re the planned recipients, yes? Thank you both for commenting, and thank Anon-squared for the vote on the breast issue. Yeah, it’s totally a mood thing. Every now and then a fiesty, being-bad mood strikes and being “manhandled” as it were can be a total turn-on.

    Sometimes, it’s a deal breaker. Comes down to the guys paying attention to more than just your tits, then. If they’re paying attention to body language, they should know to back off. If not, asking is always a brilliant move. I don’t know why the perception tends to be that asking means you’re incompetent or something. It’s absolutely not that way. It shows you’re confident enough in your abilities that you’re willing to acquiesce to their wants then and there. It’s a smart way to play the game.

    Life’s too short to fumble through the night on guess work and conjecture.

    Thanks for commenting, girls. Nice to have approval.

    Notice that, boys? They LIKE what they’re hearing. Imagine what they think about the doing, then?

    Reply
  5. ~Shade~

    I found your blog through a comment on Pussy Talk. Jesus but I wish I had had access long ago… might have saved me years of frustration. I’m especially ecstatic about the “for her” comments. Too many men forget that sex is not just for them. And too often.. as I myself once was guilty of… we women don’t speak up.

    As for the breast vote, definately mood. In that I can count myself lucky… my lover reads signals well and has taught me a lot about my body…

    Hmm. I have not read through your entire blog yet… perhaps you could do a piece on a woman’s signals? Just because we lift our hips does not mean we are ready for you.

    THANKS FOR THAT BRILLIANT, BEAUTIFUL MIND OF YOURS! I’ll be checking back often!

    Reply
  6. scribe called steff

    Wow. Lofty praise… I thank you. 🙂

    I’m awake with insomnia and just happened on your warm-fuzzies-inducing comment. Nice.

    You know what? Your request for a signals piece is pretty interesting. It seems to me that nothing is clear cut in sex. Everything is contextual. I think that one will be a challenge.

    But I’m always up for a challenge. It has to get in line behind a couple other topics, though, but I’ll definitely try my hand at tackling that.

    Thanks for mentioning it.

    As for your compliments, thank you. It’s really nice to know people are getting that much out of what I have to say. It’s very flattering. Immensely so.

    God knows when I was younger it’d been nice to have this information, too. I know one woman in real life who gave a printed copy of my Girls’ Guide to Giving Great Head to her 18-year-old daughter to read. If only we’d all had parents willing to break down the walls of silence in order to teach us the right way to do things for when the right person came along, maybe we wouldn’t have as many societal hang-ups about sex.

    I’m sick of the stereotypical porn and the stigmas attached to sex, so I say and do what I do as a result. That I’m managing to keep it interesting for folks like you makes me one seriously happy camper.

    Again, my appreciation to ya.

    -s.

    Reply
  7. jo

    Great stuff, so far.

    I have to chime in on the manicure issue as it reminded me of an experience.

    When I was much younger, I had a boyfriend who had a ragged nail. This, unfortunately, I did not know until he’d already been playing a bit. Long story very short, it is NOT AT ALL romantic to spend the night at the ER to see if your vulva needs stitches!!! And, man, oh, man, does that sensitive tissue bleed like there’s no tomorrow.

    Reply
  8. scribe called steff

    WOW. Gee, thanks for sharing. There’s an experience I can absolutely do without ever having. My goodness. I can only surmise from your wording that it turned out you didn’t need stitches, but I can’t imagine the dread of thinking you might. Ooh. No, total romance killer!

    Guys should do what I do, leave the manicure set in the coffee table for when watching TV. Easiest, best time to file up and trim up.

    Thanks for the vote of confidence, too.

    Reply
  9. Justine

    No one has yet mentioned the obvious (the elephant in the room, as it were): girls DO girls best! I don’t win that argument sometimes when a girl just adores a cock inside her, BUT when it comes to giving a chick head (I know, “head” only for guys — what a stupid rule! I don’t like “eat out” — yech!), there’s NOBODY does it better than someone who knows those feelings from inside!

    Hugs, Justine

    Reply
  10. scribe called steff

    Heh. “Eating out” isn’t the best term, no. I like to use it sometimes when I’m trying to suggest a raunchier encounter, though. I do like variety with terms, and “giving head” is absolutely applicable to cunnilingus, too, IMHO.

    As for girl-on-girl, I don’t doubt you. I think a guy can be trained, though. I mean, I have to believe that, since I’m hetero. But I think it goes both ways. A guy probably gives better head to another guy, too. Like you said, it’s that inside-out knowledge that makes it different.

    In an earlier posting I outlined how I’d love to experience a chick delivering oral pleasure to me, and I’m unlikely to pass it up the next time a hot chick offers to school me. It’s probably because I’m more confident in my sexuality than I’ve ever been before. Strange how it works. Took years for that desire to come alive.

    Ultimately, I don’t think I’d be comfortable returning the favour, but I wouldn’t rule it out, either.

    Thanks for playing. 🙂

    Reply
  11. Simply Her

    I have to say these are great tips, maybe I’ll somehow steer these installments to my guy, who has set himself on giving me the best oral I have ever recieved. They are great tips that definately come in handy, especially with the nails cause it’s so sensitive. Having a nail scrape you is a definate mood turner.

    I’m looking foreward to your next installments.<3

    Reply
  12. scribe called steff

    part two might be later tonight. I just need to tweak it and the weather’s too blah to be doing much other than writing, so.

    Reply
  13. Walking Wounded

    I LOVE to go down on a woman. And a lot of what are saying so far makes a great deal of sense, from my experience learned from trial and error. I have found more often than not though, even if you goof here and there, women are more willing to tutor in oral sex. I think this was a great thing when I was younger because I didn’t know shit the first few times.

    With one girlfriend I used to massage her back (her job wreaked havoc on her back) and this more or less would lead to sex. But what I would do while she was still laying face down was coax her hips up and slide a pillow under her. Then I would give her oral sex from behind. This would get her pretty hot by the time I was ready to get down. Maybe its the elevation of her hips, I’m not sure. Maybe someone here knows what makes this so hot?

    BTW, great installment so far!

    Peace

    Reply
  14. scribe called steff

    I will probably touch on the snacking-from-behind approach in one of the next two segments. It has a lot to do with the organ itself and how it responds to positioning… So, I’ll save my answer for then. 🙂

    Glad you’re digging it!

    Reply
  15. scribe called steff

    (Oh, I should mention, I’ll be covering a variety of positions/approaches in the next segment sometime b4 the weekend.)

    Reply
  16. theresa

    This is a fantastic post. I especially liked, “When they’re unafraid to own our whole bodies during the sexual experience, it can really bring out our boldness.” It’s so very, very true!

    I hope you don’t mind that I link this post on my blog. I have a lot of male readers who really eat this kind of info up!

    Reply
  17. Anonymous

    As a guy, I wanted to say that your article is spot-on. (Sorry for the tongue-in-cheek pun.) Giving oral is one of the most selfless ways to pleasure a woman- care and attention to these skills should be essential training for any long term relationship. Or hell, even for the short torrid ones.

    I’m going to buy some of the oils today- most of the usual massage oils leave an AWFUL taste.

    Thanks!

    -jt

    Reply
  18. Ohpineyun

    Thank you. One can never take the build up too slowly unless both are hell bent on a quickie before the kids intervene with cries for milk, PB&J or a referee

    Reply
  19. scribe called steff

    Anon — Enjoy. Hope they work for you. Taste truly is subjective. 🙂 Thanks, too.

    Oh — Yeah, I don’t know how parents fit it in. Fortunately, not my problem. 😉

    Reply
  20. Grover

    Pardon the hiatus, but I’m over my little flip-out trip now. 🙂

    What a fantastic lead-in. With your guidance, the next partner I have is going to the moon and back before I’m through with them.

    Reply
  21. Anonymous

    I think that the massage itself can use a little foreplay. I have never met a woman who didn’t melt as I started massaging her feet. Give attention to each toe, wiggling it in its socket and kneeding it back and forth. After each toe has had its thrill, move to the ball of the foot and rub, squeeze and bend until all the aches have vanished. Start moving the whole foot in a circular motion at the ankle, then reverse direction. Then move up the leg slowly. When you reach the thigh, it time to give the other foot the attention it deserves. After both thighs have been reached go to the small of the back and move up along the spine. When you get to the neck, start working one hand and then the other like you did with the feet and go up the arms until you reach the shoulders. Then follow the instructions from the original post.

    It never fails.

    Reply
  22. Naked Condo

    Very educational. They should cover this stuff in school, honestly. But that would require it to actually be education ABOUT sex, not indoctrination to PREVENT sex.

    But I suppose on the other hand, many young men may not have the maturity to be that interested in sophisticated pleasures for their partners.

    Personally I think it’s all quite fascinating, but that may be a result of being a man with lots of theoretical information but no practical expertise.

    Reply
  23. l'amoureux de KT

    Better late than never, but it’s nice to encounter a relatively straight-forward description.

    One question, though – you describe what sounds like a classic back-oriented massage, yet ALSO encourage breast tonguing – am i missing something? Wouldn’t that put a bit of stress on someone’s back?

    I’m probably just not reading very clearly.

    Thanks.

    Reply
  24. scribe called steff

    ANON — Now I want a foot massage. Sigh. Must bug Man for one tomorrow.

    Naked Condo — Yes, it should certainly be taught in school, but that’ll never happen. I advise checking out the sex-positive sex stores in your area. I know here in Vancouver, Art of Loving offers an assortment of sex how-to classes that are quite well done.

    Bicycologist — Yep, you missed the part where I said to roll girlie over and continue the massage on the front. 🙂 Love yer photo, btw.

    Reply
  25. A Scribe Called Steff

    ADDITIONAL COMMENTS FROM THE SECOND INCARNATION OF THIS BLOG:
    1. c k
    Posted January 20, 2007 at 1:53 pm | Permalink | Edit
    Funny you should say this…
    “I’ll say the same thing to you as I’d tell any chick teething a guy’s cock. Not every chick will enjoy this. Inquire as to whether it’s turning her on.”
    while at the same time assuming all men love shaved pussy. As with all things, tastes vary greatly. Some men do find it alot sexier to be unshaven and natural. Makes sense considering we grow pubic hair as a way of indicating sexual maturity, the shaven pussy only becoming popular with the explosion of porn…along with huge breast implants, fake tans, and stripper stilettos. Not all guys are turned by that stuff. Most guys Ive talked to about their preferences in this regard really don’t have a strong opinion as you would make it seem. Ladies…do what YOU prefer, not what you think guys want.
    2. lo fi disaster
    Posted May 11, 2007 at 1:41 pm | Permalink | Edit
    i’m gonna go with the shaved is better camp. looks better, feels better, and nothing kills the mood like stopping because you’re choking on hair. that said, i agree with girls doing what they prefer.
    3. Anonymous
    Posted September 16, 2007 at 10:34 am | Permalink | Edit
    I’ll have to add another vote for the natural is nice camp. Trim, so you don’t choke on it, but still a nice mound. There’s something about it that is very raw and primal

    Reply
  26. Pingback: The Man’s Guide to Cunnilingus Pt. 2 | Smut & Steff

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